3 Things I Stopped Doing to Improve My Relationship with My Dog

When I brought Teddy home as a puppy, I started following the Dog Listening approach from day one. I knew I wanted to build our relationship on understanding and calm leadership, not control or constant correction.

But here’s the truth… even though I was doing Dog Listening, I didn’t yet fully understand it.

I was still learning to shift my mindset - to stop thinking I needed to do all the time, and instead learn how to simply be with Teddy.

And that change, more than anything else, transformed our relationship.

Here are three things I stopped doing that made all the difference 👇

1️⃣ I stopped trying to “train” every behaviour

For a long time, I thought that every issue could be solved through training - more commands, more treats, more repetition.

If Teddy barked, jumped, or didn’t listen, I’d fall into “fix-it” mode. But all that did was create tension for both of us.

Dog Listening helped me realise that behaviour isn’t something to control - it’s something to understand.

When Teddy barked, he wasn’t being disobedient; he was communicating that something felt wrong or unsafe to him. My job wasn’t to correct him - it was to show him, calmly and consistently, that I was the one taking care of things.

Once I made that shift, our walks, our home, and even our quiet time together felt completely different.

2️⃣ I stopped taking his behaviour personally

It’s easy to feel frustrated when your dog won’t settle, ignores you, or barks the moment you leave the room.

I used to take it personally - as if Teddy was being difficult on purpose, or as if I’d somehow “failed” him.

But over time, I realised something really important: dogs aren’t giving us a hard time - they’re having a hard time.

Teddy wasn’t being stubborn; he was worried. His behaviour wasn’t defiance - it was communication.

When I learned to see the world through his eyes, my whole perspective changed. Instead of reacting, I started responding. Instead of frustration, I felt empathy.

And that emotional shift helped Teddy relax more than any amount of training ever could.

3️⃣ I stopped looking for quick fixes

Even once I understood the principles of Dog Listening, I still found myself searching for results.

“Why isn’t this changing yet?”“Shouldn’t he be calmer by now?”

But trust doesn’t grow overnight. Just like us, dogs need time, consistency, and gentle repetition to feel secure.

When I stopped chasing fast results and focused on calm consistency - on showing up the same way every day - Teddy began to truly relax.

He no longer needed to take responsibility, because he could finally see that I had everything under control.

The biggest shift of all

These days, my relationship with Teddy feels easy, calm, and connected. Not because I did more — but because I let go of the need to constantly do.

I learned that the real magic of Dog Listening isn’t in the techniques - it’s in the mindset.

When we stop trying to control, fix, or perfect our dogs, and instead show up with quiet confidence and understanding, something beautiful happens: our dogs start to trust us fully.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the right things but still not getting through to your dog, please know you’re not alone.

Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs happen not when we do more, but when we learn to be more present, calm, and consistent. 💛

If you’d like to learn more about this approach, and how it can help with issues like separation anxiety, reactivity, or general stress, you can explore my course Separation Anxiety: The Holistic Solution or join my next free event to experience Dog Listening in action.

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With love,Kate & Teddy 🐶Kate’s K9 Solutions